It is said that this river outside the town once suffered many lives.

Recently, an old widow whose son died in our town. The old widow is from the mountain. When her son was young, she yearned for the prosperity outside the mountain, so she came to our town to work and carry cinders. She carved for less than two years. She was arrested for intentional murder and sentenced to death. When she was shot, she just turned 25 years old.

Thirteen years later, a wise and powerful policeman from the town police station arrested a robber. Because the robber actually grabbed the girl the police were pursuing, which made the Shenwu police particularly intolerable. The case was handled cleanly and neatly. Not only did the robber's robbery charge be implemented, but it was also found that he committed a life thirteen years ago. At this point, the son of the old widow who was shot in his youth was finally injustice.

When the old widow heard this exciting news, he rushed over from other places overnight, went to his son's grave to set firecrackers and incense sticks. The city also came to interview the old widow and bought a banner for the old widow, asking her to send it to the police who solved the case. The next day, he posted a headline in the daily newspaper with the title "Zhang ××, the good son of the party, bravely captured the robber's 70-year-old woman, to present the banner."

The townsmen were very happy to see the name of the town that had been unknown for many years appearing in the city's daily newspaper. Just as everyone was reading this newspaper with relish, that afternoon, the 70-year-old lady jumped into the river. Although the people who witnessed it immediately jumped down to rescue her, the old lady still successfully committed suicide.

This afternoon when I was burning paper money by the river, I seemed to see the old lady in the water through the dirty river water.

At that time, when I looked up, the sky was blue, and the stagnant water was slightly rippled. There was no people in the radius of ten miles. It was a very good atmosphere of jumping into the river and committing suicide. I thought I would go early or go late or go. If I jumped into this river, my seniors would be my companions. If I were lucky, drifted to the distance and saved my family a coffin money. So I was a little eager to try. Just as I was about to close my eyes and jump down, I seemed to hear a voice saying, "Girl, are you hungry? If you are hungry, don't dive, otherwise you will be hungry all the time. It's too uncomfortable to be hungry all the time."

I was shocked and felt a little hungry.

Many years later, I thought, if there was no voice to dissuade me at that time, I would have jumped down.

Even though I used Marxist philosophy to arm myself, and when I took the postgraduate entrance examination, I still firmly believe that the voice belonged to the old widow who jumped into the river back then. The reason why the old widow wanted to save me was because my mother paid for her to buy a coffin for her to bury her, and did not let her go all the way to expose her corpse from afar. It can be seen that people are doing things and watching the sky.

But I made up my mind to commit suicide and thought that only suicide could lead a better life.

After I went home for a full meal and prepared for the preparation, amid my grandmother's continuous coughing, I took out the bright blade I bought at noon.

I searched for my wrist artery for a long time and found it successfully. The blade had just slid down a little. Yan Lang, who was less than three years old, stumbled and ran in. As soon as he saw the weapon in my hand and the wrist that had already started to drip blood, he immediately burst into tears. Grandma finally stopped coughing in the inner room and asked, "Why are Lang Lang crying?"

I said, "Nothing is nothing, he wet his pants."

Grandma didn't say anything anymore and coughed again.

I hugged Yan Lang and kissed him and said, "Good son, you go out for a while first."

Yan Lang did not move.

I was busy with my studies and early love for two years in high school. I spent too short time with Yan Lang and didn't realize that he had grown so smart.

He asked quietly in a crying voice: "Mom, are you going to die?"

I said, "No, I've just gotten angry these two days and released some blood."

He said: "A liar. If you are acting on TV, you are about to die."

I felt very upset and said, "What if my mother really wants to die?"

He immediately said, "Don't you want to be Langlang?"

I said, "Look, my grandmother is in jail and my grandmother is so sick again. My mother can't go to college and has no other skills. She can't afford you."

He said: "I only eat a little bit every day."

I said, "It's useless for you to eat just a little bit. The grandmother wants to eat, and the mother wants to eat too. One day, she will finish all the meal."

He said, "Then I won't eat anything at all, I will give it to my grandmother and my mother."

I said, "Silly son, if you don't eat, you will starve to death."

He was persuaded by me and could not think of a stronger statement to refute, so he had to change the subject, tears were wrapped in his eyes, and he said anxiously: "But what should I do if my mother dies?"

I finally couldn't help but shed tears. I said, "Mom feels uncomfortable and can't hold on. After Mom dies, an aunt will come to take you to a place with many children, with food every day and fun toys to play with."

He crashed into my arms and said, "Mom, then take Langlang away too. I know that the place you are talking about is an orphanage. Grandma used to say that Langlang would send Langlang to an orphanage if he was disobedient. Children in the orphanage were the best at bullying people. If his mother was not here, Langlang would definitely be bullied to death." After that, he cried sadly.

My last memory of that night was that my grandmother leaned against the door frame with tears in her deep sunken eyes. Yan Lang and I hugged her tightly, crying endlessly, and the fragrance of osmanthus flowers floated out of the window, with a faint smell of blood. And during the summer vacation of the 18-year-old summer with a strong summer atmosphere, I could always smell a faint smell of blood in the air, even if I never tried suicide again.

Life is like a long-distance race. As long as I can run through the most painful critical point firmly and do not need to download any data packets, the physical fitness of a person can be automatically upgraded. After committing suicide, although my physical fitness has not been upgraded, my fate has indeed risen to a point, and I am no longer as unlucky as before.

This was specifically reflected at the end of August, when I actually received an admission letter from F University.

F University is a third-rate university rooted in the borders of the motherland. Because it is too remote, it is about to go bankrupt. It is only suitable for wealthy people who cannot get into college. I originally planned to give up, but the next day a farmer entrepreneur came to me and I hope to help me finish my university, provided that I must assist them in shooting a special film with me and their factory as the main character, and in this special film, they try every means to highlight what a socially responsible company their factory is.

Originally, I wanted them to use the money to support my grandmother in school to help me treat my illness, but entrepreneurs believe that funding my grandmother in treatment cannot show their company's concern for the Chinese education community, and they cannot show their company's sense of responsibility. Moreover, caring for the elderly has not been popular for a long time, and it is now popular to support poor college students.

I bargained with him for an afternoon, and he slapped his forehead: "You little girl is really hard to talk. Forget it. When I do good deeds, I will help your grandma treat her illness. But if you want to become the long-term spokesperson of our company, you will have to make a special film every year. Oh, you are also lucky. If I hadn't been on a business trip some time ago and all the poor college students around me were funded by my competitors, would you take such a big advantage?"

I said, "Yes, I'm lucky, I'm lucky."

I really feel that I am lucky.

Before entering university, I made a summary of my life for eighteen years. I felt that life was too inexplicable, and no one could lose. The only thing that made me regret was that I did not have enough happiness when I was happy. When I recalled this past event in misfortune, I felt that I had suffered a great loss.

Happiness is not like a woman’s menstrual period. It comes on time once a month. This time, if you are not prepared, you can continue to adjust next time. Instead, a boat ticket is out of date and cannot be used again.

So I made a decision to decide that in my future life, I can no longer do stupid things like being unaware of blessings. Even if happiness only reveals a small tail, I must do my best to firmly grasp it. Moreover, unpleasant things will be allowed to drift away with the wind, and from now on I will be a new person.

Since then, I began to try to forget, forgetting the senior year and its summer vacation.

But the difficulty of actively forgetting is too great, so I have to find a helper, so I joined the school’s psychological association so that I can receive psychological counseling from the psychological counselor for free every week. Under his tireless counseling, this memory has grown vigorously, and every detail is more vivid than before, making my soul shrouded in the severe winter for a long time, and I urgently need a bowl of chicken soup to gently care. But even science cannot become my spiritual chicken soup, which is simply hopeless.

Later, I read Lu Xun's essays and revisited "Remembrance for Forgetfulness". The first paragraph was written like this: "I have long wanted to write a little text to remember a few young writers. This is not for anything else, but because for two years, grief and anger have always come to attack my heart and have not stopped yet. I really want to use this to shake my body and get rid of my sorrow and relax myself. Just say it directly, I will forget them." This sentence deeply shocked me, and made me feel inspired in an instant. I also prepared to write a book, shake my body, so as to forget the past and carry on the past.

From the age of sixteen to eighteen, I have done too many mistakes, and if I don’t forget, I don’t have the courage to live a good life.

"Confessions" was written for two years, and was favored by my mentor. After polishing it, it was published under a sad pseudonym.

At that time, youth scar literature was popular. Some of these literatures were about deception, some were about struggle, some were about fooling, some were about betrayal, and some were compared with "Zhiyin", which was widely favored by readers. "Confessions" included both deception and conspiracy, and they were simply the masters. Moreover, the tutor also helped me modify the ending, making it a complete tragedy, showing a sad past in a tragic girl that was both painful and painful, and thus was more favored by readers.

The ending of the mentor helps me change it was that the heroine Song Xiaomi held her grandmother, and her son lit the ancestral house and burned herself to death, and it was successful. Song Xiaomi's mother immediately committed suicide after learning the news. Many years later, the old house of the former mayor of Ping'an Town left a ruin. The hero brought his wife and daughter to the town to take over as the mayor of the town, and the new official took office for three fires. The first fire was to rectify the neighborhood. Song Xiaomi's ancestral house that committed suicide was pushed into a smooth road by bulldozers, and commercial housing was built on it. In order to mobilize everyone to buy this commercial housing, the hero subscribed to one of them himself. From then on, he lived a happy and happy life with his wife and daughter in his new home.

I think, how can it not be sold out in such an ending?

But when I first saw this ending, I felt that if I had committed suicide by thinking about it, things might have really developed like this.

Lin Qiao took Su Qi and their daughter to live a life of great success. Many years later, they forgot to meet a girl named Yan Song during the chaotic adolescence. The girl was destroyed by them and could not live a life, so they had to take her family to commit suicide.

The more I think about it, the more I get involved, the more I get involved, the more I get lucky I am still alive.

Later, I graduated from undergraduate studies and had a serious employment situation. I was forced to take the postgraduate entrance examination and successfully entered the Chinese Department of T University to study for a public-funded graduate student. My grandmother's health was improved, and with the help of the "Confessions", she was able to move into the nursing home in the town and live a slightly better life. Yan Lang also transferred to City C to follow me.

When you are happy, you must know how to cherish blessings. I think you are very happy now.

The deeper and heavy dew was heavy, and the cold air was so cold that a girl who was dressed in a match for the ball walked past us, glanced at us alertly, and suddenly ran away with her feet. I think the scene was indeed quite like a knife robbery, and the girl was dressed so heavily and could still walk as fast as she could fly. The potential of human beings is really unpredictable.

Lin Qiao's beautiful black eyes were hidden behind the golden glasses, deep and silent.

A cold wind blew over my face, and I shivered and said, "Well, I'm having a good life, all these years."

He didn't say anything, and after a while, he raised my chin with one hand: "Are you crying?"

I was stunned for a moment and shook my head: "Damn it, it's okay to secrete some body fluid from my eyes. I have to say that I have lived a life and died and why are you happy? You are so perverted."

He froze for a moment. I took advantage of his frost and quickly struggled out and ran away.
Chapter completed!