Since then, I have basically not been to class much. I have put away all the bad emotions, and have shown the courage to face the future when I fell to the bottom of my life. I have tried to make a smile and stayed in the hospital to accompany Lin Qiao and the disease. Han Meimei would occasionally come over, bring some fruits or newspapers of the day.

Although this winter is deserted, it is rare to be filled with sunshine, even if it is not as warm as it is. Sometimes I read a few books to Lin Qiao, sometimes I tell a few current affairs news, and I also find many ancient movies. When the music of "The Lion King" sounded, I smiled and performed the famous "hakunamatata" for him. "hakunamatata, you don't have to worry anymore, don't have to leave the will of fate like before, hakunamatata." It's like a broom. I tried my best to drive out the shadow of death in this small ward, wishing I could sweep them all into the cold sunshine in the winter, and ignite another fire, and listen to them sizzling in the licking flames.

Lin Qiao's complexion gradually improved, but I don't know if I was slowly withering, but when it was late at night, I would think of Qin Mo and the way he looked at me that night. He said, "Song Song, you have always been cruel to me."

My heart hurts.

Lin Qiao's operation was considered successful. After the blood test report three days after the operation, everyone breathed a sigh of relief, but this was just the first step. The chemotherapy followed was like a relay marathon. The six-stage schedule of 5 kilometers, 10 kilometers, 10 kilometers, 5 kilometers, 5 kilometers, 7.195 kilometers, and you can see what the finish line will be after 42.195 kilometers. However, Lin Qiao is the only one who relays each schedule. We don't know if he can survive.

After the first chemotherapy, Lin Qiao began to lose her hair and vomit whatever she ate. I could only try to make nutritious meals for him, and there was nothing else. He was in a bad mood, but he tried not to notice it. I took out the bald heads of Jacky Cheung and Xu Zheng to show him and told him that these two people have always been my male gods, so he laughed. After being admitted to the hospital, he lost a lot of weight, but when he became funny, he was undoubtedly the best-looking patient in the entire oncology department.

The doctor said that this stage is mainly about looking at the patient's desire to survive, and the belief in survival overcomes everything.

I painted a beautiful blueprint for him, just like teaching a toddler to leave him and stand ten steps away, then stretched out his arms and smiled at him, promised him a bright future, and encouraged him to come to my arms step by step. My heart was filled with anxiety, but I could still keep a smile on my face. I am very skilled in this arrangement.

That night, there was a large snow-white moonlight outside the window. I packed up the two newspapers in front of the hospital bed and was about to put the thermos bottle containing the mulberry tea on the head of the bed as usual. Lin Qiao heard Lin Qiao whisper: "It seems that we have never really dated once."

I said, "Ah, right." We almost wanted to watch a movie together, but in the end we were in vain. At that time, Bae Yongjun's "Scandal" was being played in the cinema. I bought a ticket from my junior at half price, and he also gave me two bags of plums and two packs of squid shreds.

He said, "When should I go and have a date?"

I said, "Okay, get better quickly, get better, let's go to the amusement park to take a bumper car."

This date was scheduled for Lin Qiao's second chemotherapy, so of course he could not take a bumper car.

Lin’s father and mother were worried about whether Lin Qiao could persist in the chemotherapy for six courses and were willing to satisfy all his reasonable and unreasonable wishes. Although the doctor told me that it would be best to avoid outdoor activities during chemotherapy, they could not bear to disappoint Lin Qiao and personally bought us tickets to the planetarium.

According to Lin Qiao's meaning, you should go to a movie when you are dating, but the normal cinema has too much air and is not suitable for receiving patients. The planetarium happens to have a digital cinema, which is as quiet as a cemetery during non-holidays. Although we are destined to be able to watch some science and education movies such as "Discovering the Universe", it can be regarded as watching movies at least.

The planetarium does not sell coke and popcorn, but canned green tea, but Lin Qiao insists on buying it from the supermarket outside. He seems to regard watching movies as a ceremony. He can't eat these things, but it's good to hold them in his hands, which is like a date.

It turns out that there are only two of us in the huge theater. It is a film introducing the twelve zodiac signs. It has a typical scientific and educational style. As long as you are an adult, it is not easy to watch. The only advantage is that the music is melodious and can be called a sleep-aided product.

I thought Lin Qiao would fall asleep, but unexpectedly, he watched it very seriously. I always paid attention to his situation, and naturally I didn't fall asleep. The zodiac knowledge was even more elusive. But I was impressed by the episode in a certain paragraph, because when the episode sounded, Lin Qiao hummed softly, and the deep bass sounded in my ears. He hummed very skillfully. When I found that I looked at him, he lowered his head and said to me: "Do you like this song too? I will play it for you in the future."

I don't like this song, but I want to see his promise to the future, which is a desire to survive. I patted the back of his hand, tried my best to show my sincerity, and said, "You must play it for me, I like this song."

There is a small teahouse on the corner of the second floor of the Planetarium. We chose a corner close to the glass curtain wall to sit down and have tea, waiting for Lin Qiao’s father’s driver to pick us up.

The visiting manual was put on the table, and Lin Qiao looked around casually. He was wearing a black woolen hat with a low brim covering his ears. He changed his gold wire glasses to a plate frame with propionate fibers, and his scarf was casually placed around his neck. Except for his pale complexion that was a bit unusual, he couldn't tell that he was a patient in chemotherapy, but he looked more like a model who had just walked off the catwalk.

I knew him when he was seventeen years old, and at that time he was like a prince. For so many years, even if this person was pale, fragile, and embarrassed, he was still as glittering as a prince. Perhaps the light was weak, but in the crowd, it was enough for those who wanted to find him to see it at a glance.

I chose him, he wants to get better, and then we are together all the time.

He noticed me looking at him and raised his eyes slightly: "Did you count how many Zeus's sons appeared in that movie just now?"

I asked him with a coffee, "You looked at it so seriously just now, are you counting this?"

His fingers lightly clasped against the edge of the table: "Don't you like children? The more children there are, the more lively it is."

I said, "Don't be stupid. I am a great country. No matter how much I like children, you can only have two in the future. Do you think you can still form a football team?"

He held my hand, his pale lips touched the back of my hand, but a curve of smile appeared on the corner of his lips. He loved to laugh like this. When he smiled like this in high school, he could charm half of the girls in the school. He said: "It's already there, we can only have one more."

Recently, I have planned many blueprints for him about his illness after he recovered, but I have never planned to this point. I hope he has made various requirements for the future, the more the better. But when he said this, I didn't know how to respond. Isn't this the future I chose? But I am so good at acting, even though I am panicked, I instinctively give the most appropriate answer, and I said: "Okay."

Then I saw Qin Mo.

For a moment, I couldn't understand what a coincidence this was, but suddenly I remembered Zhou Yueyue that Qin Mo came to City C this time for the design work of the Provincial Planetarium.

It has been a month and a half since Qin Mo was not seen.

The empty hall is topped with an arc dome, like the night sky is pressed down, and the hall of the planetarium is the whole world. He appears from the other side of the world, wearing a dark suit, and looks tall. The staff staggered a few steps in front to guide the way, and followed a large group of people behind him. He and a gray-haired old man were clustered in the middle, talking while walking. Because he was too tall, he lowered his head slightly, so that the old man would not have to lift his head up.

The staff turned around and said something. The group came to the teahouse. He glanced at the staff's gesture, but did not pause. I was not sure if he saw me.

In my junior year, a professor taught us to give a speech, telling us not to hold things in our hands when we are nervous. Paper is the most undesirable. Secondly, cups and pens will magnify your nervousness at least ten times for the audience to see. If you want to pretend to be calm, they will be accustomed to betraying you.

I quickly put down the coffee cup in my hand, but unexpectedly I used too much force. The cup hit the cup holder, and a very crisp sound. Lin Qiao looked up when she heard the sound and saw the coffee stains splashing on the back of my hand. She skillfully took out the tissue to help me clean it. While wiping, she said: "I thought in the morning that you are more and more able to take care of people recently. Now I can sprinkle coffee all over my body after putting a cup."

The group had entered the teahouse. In such a small space, although I was sitting at the innermost side, I was facing Qin Mo. My eyes were in the air. His eyes were as deep as a black pool, as beautiful as before, but with an unfamiliar indifference. The gentle smile in the dark eyes I saw before was like a dream. Lin Qiao turned her back to them, and I thought my expression should have maintained calmness, and there was nothing strange, because Lin Qiao did not turn to look at the new guest behind her.

Qin Mo sat down in the high-back sofa behind Lin Qiao, and other staff members also sat down one after another. A group of people began to talk. At that moment, it seemed that the noise of the whole world was pouring into my ears, but there was no Qin Mo's voice. There was a table and two chairs between us, and he sat behind this distance, but he didn't speak and remained silent.

Lin Qiao seemed to be fascinated by the green cover visiting manual, turned to one of the pages and pointed it at me: "Next time we will take Langlang to see this?"

I said, "Okay, but it may be rebuilt here soon. Just so happens that if you recover from your illness, the new planetarium should be built successfully, so we will bring him to play."

Seizing every opportunity to make Lin Qiao promise the future or promise the future to him. After a month and a half of training, it has become an instinct. I actually don’t know what I am talking about.

He thought for a while and said, "You can go to the amusement park to take a bumper car. What other games do he love?"

I said, "He also loves to play goji and games. He goes to the Olympiad class and loves to study Olympiad problems. You can teach him that he is not as stupid as me."

A very light smile appeared on the corner of his lips, probably thinking about our shared high school. He was indeed angry at the clumsiness I showed in science. But that also became a good memory.

Lin Qiao suddenly asked me: "What are your expectations for the future?"

I was confused for a moment, the future, the future, my imagination of the future, everything stopped at Lin Qiao, and what would happen afterwards? I didn't think about it. I knew we were going to be together, but how would we be together?

He closed the visit manual and whispered, "I have longed for it." After a moment, he continued, "The simplest family composed of Chinese teachers and pediatricians, we usually have our own work, watch movies once a week, and take the children to the amusement park or park for picnics on weekends. I will learn to start cooking."

I picked up the coffee and took a sip, and heard myself say, "Okay, but you have to hand over all your salary card to me."

He was stunned for a moment, and soon reacted, and said with a smile: "Of course." He held my hand holding the cup, "Of course, Song Song."

His smile is still full of charm, and this smile is different from usual, full of beauty and vitality. But at this moment, I remembered that night, I sat on the balcony with Qin Mo and looked at the stars. He said to Song Song, if one day I betray you and hurt you, I will give you all my property.

But I betrayed him first.

At this time, he was sitting behind two chairs and must have heard all our conversations. What would he think of me? He must have hated me very much. I don’t want to drag him down, he’d better hate me.

I met a good person, but I couldn't afford him.

Until now, I finally understood why Lin Qiao could like someone but be so bad to that person. But just like after Lin Qiao, I met Qin Mo, and after me, Qin Mo would definitely meet other people.

The phone ringtone rang and the driver arrived. I picked up the down jacket beside me and put it on Lin Qiao, and walked out of the teahouse with a thermos cup. He naturally held my hand, and I let him hold it naturally. Lin Qiao did not see Qin Mo, but I could feel the gaze behind me, like a thorn in a cone bone.

I wanted to look back at Qin Mo again. He always looked particularly good when he sat on the sofa and frowned slightly when discussing work, but I held back.

That's it.

A week later, I received a call from Zhou Yueyue, telling me that Qin Mo was going back to the United States and I didn’t know when he would come back. Maybe he would never come back in my life. She borrowed Yan Lang from me to send a trip.

Since I started taking care of Lin Qiao, Yan Lang has been following Zhou Yueyue most of the time. He is beyond my control of what she wants. To put it bluntly, he doesn't need to ask me for instructions, but he calls like this, just taking the opportunity to tell me that Qin Mo is leaving. Thinking of this trick must have used a lot of her wisdom.

I remember the night before Lin Qiao's operation, Zhou Yueyue came to me to reconcile, climbed my shoulder and said to me, "Song Song, no matter what, you are happy, I am just afraid that you are unhappy, especially afraid. If you are unhappy, I can't share my happiness with you. What do you think you should do?" As he said that, he was really anxious, as if I had started to be unhappy, and I had to spend nearly half an hour to comfort her. Fortunately, everyone talked face to face, which was considered a savings in phone bills.

I promised Zhou Yueyue that she could take Yan Lang with her, but refused Lin Qiao had an inspection that day and I couldn't go. She was very disappointed. She might have thought of her promised me to respect my choice, so she did not verbally threaten me that I had to go. We hung up each other's phone calls peacefully.

Although I told Zhou Yueyue that I could not see him off, on the day Qin Mo returned to the United States, I got up early to dress up, took a taxi to the airport early, and waited early outside the board for a takeoff. Unlike the novel description, lovers could finally meet, and I didn't even enter the airport lobby, so of course I couldn't see Qin Mo.

Although the wind was always cold that day, there was a good sunshine. Ginkgo leaves were flying in the dry air, like a group of yellow butterflies that were about to be blown by the wind.

I don’t know which plane I was sitting in Qin Mo, just looking up at the sky with my head held high, waiting for the huge iron box to fly away from the city with the people I like. The relationship cannot be dragged away. If I chose Lin Qiao, I could not drag Qin Mo. However, leaving Qin Mo was not like peeling off an orange peel, but it was more like peeling off my own nails, which hurt so much. Because the pain was given to myself, I suffered it no matter what, and no one told me what to do, it seemed that everything was wrong.

We had a farce-like encounter, but I hope that at least the end was good. The ending between him and me should not be him looking at my back and putting my hands in someone else's arms.

Qin Mo, goodbye.

Bye now.

After that I started to sleep.

In college, in order to treat mental illness for free, I participated in the school's psychological association. I had said before that with the help of this organization, my mental illness became more and more serious. It can be seen that this is indeed an unreliable organization. But even so, I still rely on my extraordinary perseverance to learn some correct psychological knowledge in this difficult environment. For example, I know that when people are under too much mental stress, escape as a psychological defense mechanism will begin to work, and thus some specific escape behaviors - sleepiness or lethargy.

I often dream about Qin Mo.

I have never had such literary dreams in my life, and there are so many of them. They frequently visited my sleep within this month just like an appointment.

The scenes in the dream are endless, sometimes at the old subway station, sometimes next to the crowded bus, sometimes at the wet dock. Every place is about parting, and every dream is about parting. I always hold his hand and step on the means of transportation in my dream, not knowing where they are heading, but my heart is particularly stable. But when I get wrong, he separates from me, stands outside the window and waves goodbye to me, with sadness in my eyes. The subway takes me away, the bus takes me away, and the ship takes me away. It is so illogical that I know that I am dreaming immediately. But the fear of being separated from Qin Mo still grabs my heart tightly, so I wake up crying in the dream, then look blankly at the ceiling for a long time, then wipes away tears, skillfully goes to the refrigerator to take out an ice bag and apply my eyes, and after washing, I rushed to the hospital.

My narcolepsy and my dreams about Qin Mo both ended with Lin Qiao's fourth chemotherapy.

Until the fourth chemotherapy, Lin Qiao's condition was pretty good. Even the doctor said that among the patients he met, Lin Qiao was strong, and under this situation, the prospects should be more optimistic. This indeed made us all breathe a sigh of relief. In my case, we had time to dream about longing and sadness. But after the fourth chemotherapy, Lin Qiao's physical condition suddenly took a sharp turn, like a broad and peaceful river. The still water deep at the bottom of the river caused huge waves to emerge unexpectedly. The waves fell down the air, making people feel cold. Lin Qiao, among the waves, had a full forty hours, was wandering around in the cold war and high fever.

When it is cold, the coolness comes out of the bones, and the tips of the hair are filled with cold air. No matter how many quilts are, he cannot feel a trace of warmth; when it is hot, his cheeks are red, and the blood-like redness seeps out of his almost transparent skin, and he can't even say anything. Lin Qiao is often calm and can even comfort me when she wakes up. He must be the most painful patient in the world. But when it hurts, he occasionally forgets my existence. I don't know that a person can feel pain like that and feel uncomfortable like that. It seems that under such pain, death has become a sweet destination.

Sedatives, special antipyretics, special antipyretics, sedatives, and a large amount of medicines were injected into Lin Qiao's body. I held his hand and kept repeating the future we designed in his ears. My heart was filled with fear, but my voice was extremely firm.

Before dawn, he woke up. His hands were so thin that they stroked my hair. He sighed slightly and said to me, "You are not happy, Song Song." I was so scared that my teeth were trembling, and I answered him tremblingly: "You are sick because you are sick." He threatened him tremblingly: "Unless you get better, no one can be happy. If you get better, I will never be happy in my life." I almost knelt on him

By the bed, I held his hand: "Let's come on to get through this level together. Lin Qiao, we'll get married when you're done. I've thought about it. The wedding was held in Yumanlou, so that Zhou Yueyue would be a bridesmaid, Yan Lang be a flower girl, and I want Tiffany's yellow diamonds for the wedding ring." I made every detail of the wedding, as if I really thought about it carefully. When I said this, my heart was empty, and there was a strange relief, as if my fate had settled.

I looked into his eyes and told him: "Don't let me down anymore, Lin Qiao, you must get through." He closed his eyes and whispered: "Okay."

I gave my future to a lie, but I had no time to care about what that meant. Until Lin Qiao finally subsided and her physical condition returned to normal, for those long dozens of hours, my mind was always blank.

The next three months were a nightmare, because of the lessons from this night. Even if the indicators listed in the routine checks were not problematic, we dare not slackew at all. The unknown is the biggest horror, and you don’t know what will happen next moment. Three months, my nerves were extremely tense, and I had insomnia all night. I saw Lin Qiao’s mother crying several times at the corner of the 12th floor. I still don’t like his mother, but I feel pitiful when I see her.

Han Meimei has been here a few times, and one day she asked me: "Have you ever thought about it? What would happen to Lin Qiao...Lin Qiao?"

She didn't say that word, and she was also afraid. In this life, some grief cannot be previewed in her mind. It's not that she can't, but that she dares not. What will happen to me? I only know that no matter what, I have done my best. Over the years, the most precious philosophy of life I have learned is to do my best and leave my destiny.

And this time, finally, fate did not disappoint me anymore.

Lin Qiao finished this relay marathon, and for the last chemotherapy, the cancer cell indicators in the blood test report have returned to normal. After 42.195 kilometers, the cold winter quietly passed away, and we ushered in the spring when everything revived and the warm sun was hanging high.

During the three months, everyone shed countless tears behind their backs. Every time they cried, it seemed like they were holding a secret ceremony alone, to keep it tightly from Lin Qiao. Finally, on this day, they got an opportunity to vent their will in front of him.

Lin Qiao was half lying on the hospital bed, her white hospital gown was a little empty on him. He had lost too much weight. His relatives snuggled up beside his bed and shed tears of joy. The May sunlight fell on his eyelashes, his nose bridge, and his lips, giving him some warm colors to his pale skin.

His eyes stopped on me, waved me to pass by, and his relatives knew to leave. The huge ward was empty for a moment, and I walked over and sat by his bed. He lowered his head and stroked my fingertips. After a long time, he looked up at me: "Song Song, you have been making me well. I am well. Come and fulfill your contract with you."

I finally couldn't hold back my tears. I think I was indeed happy, but also sad.
Chapter completed!