There is an allusion about my 26,78 years old this year. I was born in the evening of the 29th day of the twelfth lunar month. In other words, it was only a few hours before I was one year old. From then on, my miserable first half of my life began. It was fine before I was three years old. After four years old, the discussion about how old I was started has changed. According to the old people, I was two years old. So when I was four, other children had just started kindergarten. I was able to go to elementary school. In addition, my grandmother and my grandmother were both confused. Sometimes I said I was 7 years old and then I said I was 8 years old. I am 26 years old this year. My mother’s official statement is 28. My grandmother forced me to add another year to 29. In my grandmother, I am already 33 this year...

I think if the two old men can live for another ten or twenty years, I will probably strive to rise, grow up every year and three years, and in another ten years I will be able to be brothers and brothers with my dad.

Fortunately, the baby in the Heavenly Realm didn't go into it, and said with its three-line face (played in the last episode, it was like this-_-): "What are you doing?"

I wasn't sure, "Professional writer?"

"What is that for?"

"It's just about making up stories and selling them to those who watch them."

"Oh, storyteller."

"Uh...not." I think it's hard to explain clearly to a rag doll what a writer is. In fact, my major in university is "Chinese Language and Literature", which is a more difficult major. We first learn ancient Greek tragedy, then epic, and then medieval religious literature and the Renaissance. In modern times, we learn Nietzsche, Gorky, Lu Xun, Chi Li, and Jia Pingwa. In fact, the works of famous Chinese and foreign masters from ancient times to the present can be summarized in one sentence: human beings are destined to be defeated by something invisible and intangible! From Oedipus to Achilles, from John Christopher (John Christopher) to the madman Ah Q and Zhuang Zhidie (Baoduo), this

Some people either got mentally broken down by fate or were focused on death for twenty years. In short, they were all defeated. When I realized that the major I studied was to study how humans were defeated, I was very depressed and confused. What was even more hesitant was what job should I find when I was about to graduate? Among the female classmates, all the beautiful ones became Xiaomi, and those who were not ugly became secretaries. The male classmates sold insurance in one go together, and then all the ugly female classmates married male classmates who sold insurance. Only the only literary youth who had a literary heart and wanted to have some ambiguous relationship with literature was to get high or low. They gradually became ordinary young people from literary youths and finally successfully entered the ranks of 2B young people.

In short, it was online literature that saved me and helped me find a profession that I could pursue using relevant professional qualities. And our protagonist this time doesn’t have to be defeated (who reads the abuser’s article). It can be seen from various introductions - let’s see how he stands at the peak of sentient beings and laughs proud of the universe! Let’s see how he roams the other world and subverts the sky! Let’s see how he plays in the officialdom and gets along with all sides!

I was too poisoned by my major and always felt that people should be defeated by something. In order to avoid the suspicion of abuse, this thing cannot be a human being anyway, that is, it is a ghost. So I wrote a book on Zongdian Chinese website called "My Wife is Sadako", with the pen name Long Aotian. Now I have just exceeded 400,000 words, and clicked 1 million to get zero. 150,000 words have been charged. I am a newcomer who has just entered the industry. Although the title of the book is awkward, it is just a funny stream and has attracted a group of readers with unique tastes. The royalties cannot be hungry and cannot eat, and it is always a profession.

I asked the heavenly doll carefully: "Are you a ghost or a god?"

"I am not a ghost, nor does I seem to be a god... I am a spiritual energy in the world."

"Qi?" It turned out that I had received a fart sperm.

"You're the bullshit!"

I was shocked and almost forgot that it could understand the human heart. I deliberately asked in my heart: "Can you know what I am thinking?"

"You can only have physical contact with me, just like you hold my hand now."

"What about the pants?"

"It's not possible through the pants, so in the future you want to talk to me alone but don't want others to hear it, you have to reach in and grab me."

"Then can others hear you?"

"I can't hear it."

I sighed and said, "Then you tell me too, why did you come to me?"

"Because you're very balanced."

"Balanced? What does it mean?" A beautiful woman with bulging and tilted back suddenly appeared in my mind. She would quickly take out a drink to lure you to buy it in the morning sun. As a man, I don't want bulging and tilt back, and I'm even more afraid of not being able to urinate, so I rarely drink any such products. Only then can I know where I am balanced.

"I have a task to come to the world this time, which is to absorb the five emotions of "joy, anger, sorrow, and sorrow" in the world. Just like you want to have a meal, I also need these emotions to nourish them. These five emotions are reflected in you very well, so I will choose you."

"Emotional balance... means I am tepid, honest and peaceful?"

The baby in the heavenly world said disdainfully: "To put it bluntly, you are so ordinary that you have no limits. Do you have to make it clear?"

Me: "..." I didn't expect this guy to be quite sarcastic. I put it on my knees and had other ideas in my mind - although I am a half-written ghost story, I am a complete atheist, and it doesn't matter if my three views are subverted. Anyway, my three views are only useful, but I have to think of some way to dump it!

"Don't make any tricks. We have signed a contract. You must satisfy me!"

I was surprised and said, "Don't you hear it?"

"As soon as you look at your slutty look with your eyes squinting and your neck, you know that you are going to harm others. If you want to succeed like this, it is so easy to be a treacherous minister."

I said speechlessly, "That's why you chose mine - what if I don't care about you?"

The baby in the heavenly world smiled but threatened: "You can try it. Isn't the system text very popular now? How do they usually punish it?"

"So you read online novels?" I snorted, "Aren't you just greeting me three ways? Could it be that you turned me into a woman?"

"I think beautifully, I will turn you into a pencil sharpener with an eraser!"

I sweated coldly: "What does it mean?" Why do you sound so ignorant? (I don't understand but I think it's very powerful)?

"I want you to be poked every day, thick and thin, flat and sharp, and sharp. The most important thing is that you will cut out the handwriting you wipe off every time. Do you know what despair is? This is despair."

I crouched on the ground with my head in a collapse and said, "What the hell do you want me to do?"

"No matter how I say you do it, simply put, I need you to inspire people's five emotions. It's okay to be happy and happy, but the remaining three depends on your means and imagination..."

I lit a cigarette tremblingly, and my eyes were full of bloodshot and asked, "Can you not harm others?" Isn't the remaining three kinds of anger and sorrow? As long as you can kill someone and set fire, it's really not difficult.

"I didn't let you harm others. You don't want to use your brain as long as you can find it. For example, when I need to be angry, you happen to encounter two people quarrel, so we will reap the benefits."

I said, "If one beats the other one and has a lot of sorrow, will it be?"

"Hey, you're pretty smart."

I spitted out a smoke in depression and said, "Anyway, why don't you think it's like a good person doing - can you change someone else? I know many people who love to do things that harm others and are not good for themselves."

"I don't want to be misconduct!"

I hid my head weakly in my crotch and decided to tear the blood donation certificate when I went home.

"Don't worry, I won't affect your normal life."

"Really?"

"I'll just say it casually. Do you think your future life will be normal?"

I held out the lighter and said, "I'm fighting with you!"

The doll in the heaven smiled and said, "You order, there are more dolls worth a 50 cents a yuan, I just possess one. Then you will be able to sell them more expensive than me!"

"……What's the meaning?"

"A pencil sharpener with an eraser costs five yuan the cheapest, right?"

I put away the lighter and pretended to be smiling and said, "I'll make a joke to you - otherwise, tell me directly if you have any requests in the future. Isn't it just joy, anger, sorrow? Do you want to be an idol or a powerful person, do you want to complain without any illness or feel sentiment? I can give you self-sufficient, let's balance it!"

The baby in the heaven said, "No, since you have a contract with me, your emotions are immune to me. Besides, you are not tired of eating them all the time? I have to absorb more fresher emotions."

"you……"

"Okay, OK, I don't have anything to do for the moment. You can do your business first."

"I have nothing to do!" I said dejectedly, "Go home with me first."

Jixiang Community is located in a quiet place in the city center. It is not a geographical location. However, from the thick and mottled walls, it can be seen that this is a residential community that has been around for the past few years. Most of the families who lived here were wealthy more than ten years ago. However, rich people now prefer to live a little bit more and prefer to go to places with "home", "garden" and "apartment". Good greening, advanced property management, and everyone drives luxury cars and never interact with each other. That is their ideal habitat. As for Jixiang Community, although there is also greening, it is relatively narrow. There is no garage or formal parking space in the community. The guard is still an old man holding canned bottles. Everything is incompatible with the current values ​​of pursuing taste face. Like a decent down-and-out child, he can't hide the embarrassment of dementia and outdated no matter how he dresses up.

My family has two houses here. The third floor I live in was 120 square meters of the largest house in that year, and there is a 90 square meters of house on the second floor. It has been rented out. The reason why my family is so glorious is because my grandfather’s father, my great-grandfather, has a beautiful courtyard house. The yard has not been demolished yet and has been taken over by the government as a key cultural relics protection target. These two houses are used as compensation.

It is said that when the government came to discuss the acquisition, my grandfather was very popular when he heard that the key cultural relics protection targets were very popular. He told the government that you protected you, but it would not delay us to continue living, right? The government said that we were going to build a scenic spot in this area, and if you live in it, you will become the target of onlookers. Unexpectedly, my grandfather became even more jealous. The old man had no experience of being watched in his life. The only time he was that he had to go to the telephone pole to pick bananas when he was drunk, but my grandmother pulled it off with his shoes.

In short, the general intention has been decided, and the government also agreed. Later that year, the bear at the Beijing Zoo was splashed with sulfuric acid. I heard that my grandfather was sweating coldly after reading the report. He stood in the courtyard and looked up around, muttering four words: It’s hard to guard against it! He changed his mind that day. The government said that he would give two houses, basically according to the standard of demolition and return to one. At that time, people did not have a correct understanding of houses. Anyway, as long as there is a unit, my grandfather agreed. But out of some subtle feelings, he proposed that any descendants of the Zhen family could still go to the old Siheyuan at will. At that time, the person who received my grandfather was a deputy district mayor. He frowned and wrote a note casually and said, "I will give you another Siheyuan, no matter who you are in the future - I want to buy tickets!"
Chapter completed!