The sound of panting came into Xin Xiran's ears like a rapid drumbeat. He trembled all over, and the pain, resentment and joy in his eyes were intertwined, so that he bit his lips tightly and his sleeves were pulled, but he did not dare to look back at all.

He was afraid, he thought, he regretted, he thought crazy, but he was even more afraid.

He was afraid of seeing Yao Si, but he missed her so much. Thinking that he would have no face to face Yao Si in the future, his heart would be as painful as being lingchi, and it was so painful that it was hard to breathe.

He hated even more, and he was more impulsive and did not consider the consequences, he hated himself for not being able to take responsibility afterwards, he hated himself for knowing the truth too late, he hated himself for being powerless, and he hated the culprit of all this, his father.

But that was his father after all. He could not get rid of the identity of the son of the Taiwei, just as he knew that he could not get rid of Qiu Zhan's soul.

He dared not face the silly Qiu Zhan who called his second brother in his dream that day, so that he had not slept for several nights and did not dare to sleep. As soon as he closed his eyes, Qiu Zhan would appear in his dream with a smile. Whenever he saw that smile, he would be so shocked that he would sweat all over, but he could not wake up.

Only when the wine is good and drunk, his mind is in chaos. He no longer dreams. Only when he is awake can he remember a little, but even if it is just a little, he can't dare to breathe. He can only use wine to numb himself.

He was so scared that he didn't know what to do. He could no longer stay in Xin's house and could not see his father's silence. It was him who ruined his friend's life, and he even caused Yao Si to almost die.

These emotions torture him all the time and torture him into an inhuman form.

Yao Si gasped for a moment and finally calmed down. She pulled Xin Xiran's sleeve and refused to let go. After a while, she calmly shouted: "Xi Ran-----"

Xin Xiran shook even harder. His head hurt, but these could not resist the pain in his heart.

"Xi Ran-----" Yao Si's nose felt sour and tears fell down. She tried several times before she choked up and said: "Where you are in the nine springs, you will definitely feel sad when you see you ruining yourself like this."

"Stop talking, stop talking-----" Xin Xiran covered her face and knelt on the ground, shouting in pain: "Stop talking-----"

Yao Si's tears were even more fierce. When Qiu Zhan's death, she kept burying the grief deep in her heart. It was not that she was not in pain, but the pain had been carved into the bone marrow. She could dream of Qiu Zhan laughing at night. She kept blaming herself, saying that Qiu Zhan's death was her fault.

Self-blame is like a sharp sword. Once you have confirmed your sins in your heart, you will not be forgiven, but you will still survive. Self-blame can kill people invisibly, which is a crushing of conscience, which is even more cruel than any external pain.

She had never thought about it before, nor did she dare to think about how to face Xin Xiran. She had no intention of blaming her, but she couldn't help but feel resentful to Xin Zhongqiao. Qiu Zhan was the one who sent someone to kill him.

But she couldn't wish Xin Xiran, so she didn't know how to face it. Sometimes human nature is like this. Once a problem cannot be solved, she wants to subconsciously escape.

She admitted that her actions were shameless. She knew that if Xin Xiran knew the truth, she would have to blame herself until she died, but she could not solve the problem earlier. If she hadn't encountered it today, she would have to wait for a while, until she saw Jutong.

But she didn't expect that Xin Xiran was even more painful than she thought. His self-blame was almost driving him crazy. Yes, he was kind by nature, even if he had the temper of a young master at times, but he was a kind person, and a kind person could not withstand the inner torment.

She stepped forward and gently hugged Xin Xiran from behind, hugging the person who was shaking and wailing in pain. Although she was choked, she was gentle, "Xi Ran, this is not your fault, but it is all fate. You and I are all chess pieces, and the same is true for Qiu Zhan. It's just that you are protected by your father. I escaped by chance, but Qiu Zhan lost his life.

All of this life is because we have no ability to compete. In the capital and the court, we cannot escape the struggle of power and tricks. To put it bluntly, you and I are all victims of their struggle for power."

Yao Si's eyes were sharp and cold. Yes, from the moment she knew that the Xiong family had been destroyed, she knew that her few people, including Xin Xiran, were just chess pieces used by that person. Among them, Xin Xiran was even the most thoroughly used.

Yao Si hated these so-called power struggles, what did it have to do with her? But she insisted on involving her. Her previous idea was very simple. She had no ambitions. She just wanted to be a private school teacher or take the exam for three years after she finished studying in Yangshan Academy, so that her status as a parent would be more noble.

Because of the new reading decree of the late emperor, fame or private school teacher, women can also participate. In the past, she only thought that as long as she overcomes all difficulties, she could finally get to that point.

But now, she realized that her situation was already very dangerous.

She was recommended to Yangshan Academy, but if something happened one after another, could the assistant let her go?

She was used openly and righteously by Zhuang Yan. How many times will she survive from death?

My righteous brother is mortal enemy of the court. She is in the middle, so how can she escape unstoppable?

It is impossible. After experiencing this time, she clearly realized that reading is just the simplest idea, and she has never just read books since then.

She still wants to save her life and not let her family be implicated. She also wants to protect herself in more power struggles in the future.

Xin Xiran felt the warmth on his back, and a cold heart gradually became less painful. Yao Si's voice was like the sun hanging above his head at this moment, very warm, moving him, and like the sea, tolerating everything about him, making him feel less guilty and self-blame.

This was a hug he had long been hoping for. He had dreamed of countless dreams, but he didn't expect that it would be in such a situation that made him embarrassed and surprised.

Seeing that his emotions finally calmed down, Yao Si let go of his hand.

In an instant, the warmth disappeared. Xin Xiran was anxious and quickly turned around. He looked at Yao Si in a panic and scared manner.

Yao Si wiped the tears on the back of his hand and smiled and said, "In the future, I will tell you. But now, you have to take good care of yourself. Qiu Zhan is not a person who will have a grudge. He will definitely hope that we will all be fine."

Only when she is good can she seek justice for Qiuzhan.

After all, he faces the person he is dreaming about. Even if he dares not imagine seeing him, once he sees him, he will inevitably be happy. Only then does he notice his image.

Xin Xiran lowered his head in shame and blushed to his ears. He must be crazy, ugly and dirty now.

Yao Si pretended not to know and comforted him, "Looking at you like this, you haven't returned home for a few days. Don't torture yourself. You have already been born. Since you can't save it, look forward. There are still many things we can do for Qiuzhan."

Xin Xiran couldn't help but be jealous again. He had indeed not returned to the mansion for half a month. These days, he was really uncomfortable in the mansion, so he ran out secretly.

After coming out alone, he felt even more sad and became increasingly depressed. Until now, he was so impatient. If he couldn't meet Yao Si today, he would definitely die of drunkenness or freeze to death in a corner of the street.

"Si'er-----" Xin Xiran no longer called him Sister Yao. He was like a carefree young man calling him the girl he liked, but now he can no longer be carefree.

"Do you hate me?" He looked at Yao Si with his black green eyes, tentatively, expectant, and afraid.

Yao Si patted his shoulder, "How can I say disgusting? Since you and I met, I have never hated you, and I have never hated you for a moment."
Chapter completed!