What does it feel if someone finds that they are reborn?

Lance couldn't help but start thinking about this question. To be precise, it was the biggest secret that someone discovered, or the scar that he would never want to uncover in his whole life. What was that feeling?

Even when facing Theo, Ian and Govin, Lance couldn't say anything. The fear of being seen through by others, the worry of being seen as a monster, and the pain of being trusted and betrayed him. Not long ago, in Napa Valley, Ian seemed to have seen something. If he had followed the flow and spoke directly, it would be the best time; but he could not take risks, nor could he take risks. The fear of shaking on the wire rope of despair, and the sweating of his feet made his body like the dead leaves of autumn in the storm, as if he would be broken at any time, but even so, he still couldn't speak.

What's more, facing strangers?

Lance once thought about it, if it was another secret, if it was another person, he might say, it was not a serious matter, they were the people closest to you, they were the greatest support behind you, they were the source of strength in your heart, they were all your trust, they could be told completely. The secret is heavy, just like hatred, which may crush the whole world, so you need someone to share the secret, not only to share the weight, but also to make you understand that you are not alone.

However, bystanders are always just bystanders. The same secret may be insignificant to some people, but to the parties involved, it is like the collapse of heaven and earth. This is the biggest shackle.

For example, Jeff's love/childhood/fetishness may be for those serial killers with bloody hands, for those war criminals who kill people, or for bishops who want to maintain Catholic faith and harmony, or for Vincent in "killing with a knife", it is not worth mentioning at all. Even if he says it, no one cares. But for Jeff, this is equivalent to rebirth to Lance, which is a secret that he never wants to and dares to tell in his life.

So, what does it feel when someone discovers his secret? More importantly, what does it feel when he is discovered by his prey? What does it feel when a hunter finds himself becoming a prey? Moreover, it is not just a straightforward and straightforward way, but a torture like a lingchi execution. The prey gives him time to resist. He is struggling desperately, denying, resisting, looking for various arguments to prove his innocence, but finding every defense will become a tool to humiliate himself. What does that feel?

Lance felt a little bit of vomiting, but he had to force himself to calm down and truly enter Jeff's world.

"Knock, knock", the knock on the door came. Lance raised his hand and picked up something on the table, smashed it directly, and roared mercilessly, "Get out!" The door was clear again, and darkness slowly spread, swallowing all the hope in his heart.

It was not Hailey, nor Alan, but Ian.

Ian looked at him with that joking look and said lightly, "You are not Lance." The desperate fear surged in an instant, almost defeating all his armor. He tried to chuckled twice, but found that he could not laugh at all. The dry sound just slurped in his throat twice, and then disappeared.

He is Li Jin, but he is also Lance.

He tried to convince himself, then raised his eyes to meet Ian's question, "What are you kidding?" But this answer had already revealed his panic. If it was normal and if it was other questions, he would not answer like this. One step was wrong, one step was wrong. He began to defend himself, and he began to find out all the trivial matters in his memory and try to prove his true identity.

But Ian was unmoved. He was like a cruel executioner, tearing down his mask one by one, peeling off his armor layer by layer. When Lancelot's body completely disappeared, he still did not stop and continued to tear his soul, pulling the protective color belonging to Lance into pieces.

"I am Lance, Ian, look at me, I am Lance..." He was already covered in blood and covered in bruises. The pain of the soul tearing made him tremble all over. The shame and bitterness were not as good as the despair that the secret was about to be revealed. He looked at Ian in a flash, his eyes were blinded by a layer of mist, and he couldn't tell whether it was tears or sweat. He just gasped, like a drowning man who had grabbed the last driftwood, begging for mercy in a mess.

Ian seemed to hesitate a little, realizing his mistake, and the last bit of hope fire reignited. Lance grabbed it firmly and talked endlessly to prove his innocence. But at this moment, Ian raised his hand and caught him off guard. The last fragment of Lance in the depths of his soul escaped, and then he stood naked in front of Ian.

He is Li Jin.

He could see the contempt and contempt in Ian's eyes, like salt water, dripping on him drop by drop. The dense wounds began to spasm, but it was just a conditioned reflex of the body's muscles. The pain reached the extreme, but he was completely numb. He just looked at Ian in despair, pinched the light of hope and then completely extinguished.

Ian turned and left, and Gao Wen turned and left. Only Theo stood there, his cold eyes filled with pain and disappointment. "I didn't mean it, and I didn't want to do this..." He knew that Theo was blaming him, blaming him for letting Lance disappear, blaming him for killing the simple and kind Lance, blaming him for deceiving their trust, "I'm sorry, sorry, I'm really sorry..." But he couldn't say anything about his defense, and even the words of apologizing in his mind, "Don't leave, please, don't leave me alone, please."

He was wrong, he knew he was wrong, but they were all his. He could not go back, he could never return to the world belonging to Li Jin, he was left alone in this time and space, lost in a daze; he could not find the way back, he had woken up from nightmare countless times, his hands were covered in blood, but he could not tell whether it was Frank or his own; he had no one to rely on, Frank and Fiona died, Ryan, Tucker and Jason betrayed him, and even Gwyneth chose to turn around and leave, he had no lover, no friends, and no relatives, and he had nothing.

He didn't know what he should do, as if he was standing in the middle of the endless desert, shouting at the top of his lungs, but found that there were no living organisms around him, and the darkness tearing his body and his soul bit by bit. He began to resist, but found that everything was futile.

"Don't leave!" If even they left, he would have nothing. He knew that he had hurt them, but he did not mean it, it was really not intentional. He just didn't want someone, he was just afraid of someone. Don't leave him alone.

Do you not trust anyone and you will not be betrayed? Do you not get close to anyone and you will not face separation? Do you not rely on anyone and you will not be abandoned? Do you not sympathize with anyone and you will not be hurt? Do you reject warmth and you will not be afraid of the cold?

He doesn't want only one person.

He looked at Theo like this, earnestly and deeply. Then he saw the tears falling on Theo's cheeks, as if all the colors on his body were fading slowly, and eventually turned into a gray. He would rather Theo punish him hard like Ian than see theo like this. He slowly closed his eyes, and the remaining light saw Theo turn around and gradually drift away.

Lance felt that his muscles were curled up together, as if he could not move his little finger. He opened his mouth wide and wanted to call for help, but the front line was dark, and he could not see anything, and even his eyes were dry and there was no water vapor. He just held his breath and looked at the slowly wiggling black mist in front of him, trying to find Theo's figure, or Ian, or Gowen. His saliva slowly flowed down his chin, but he was powerless. He exhaled more and inhaled less, as if he was living dead.

Quiet, the biting quiet gnawed his soul, the itching and pain of millions of ants gnawing on the wound spread little by little, but he had no sense of it, and could only hear his clumsy and heavy breathing in his ears. Is he going to give up? Did he really want to give up like this? He had already given up once and failed once, so he still had to accept his third fate?

No! He will never! His destiny will be firmly in his hands this time. He will not be alone, nor will he be hurt anymore, and don’t be timid and stagnant.

His fingers slowly began to move, and then slowly clenched into a fist, as if he had regained the power bit by bit. A light spot appeared again in the darkness in front of him, gradually becoming brighter. With a "huh", he suddenly returned to reality from the illusion.

With a big mouthful of breath, Lance felt that his chest was like a bellows, huh huh huh, and his whole body was soaked with sweat. Large pieces of sweat dripped directly on the ground, making a ticking sound. He fell into a white brain like a ball of paste, and there was no way to think effectively, blank, large pieces of blank, and after a long time, he slowly recovered.

It turns out that this is the so-called method-based acting skills, which truly puts oneself into the role, and then reconstructs the entire world of the role based on one's own personal experience, personal understanding and personal experience. However, the pain and torture of empathy almost made Lance unable to distinguish the difference between illusion and reality. This is a problem that the performance-based acting skills never need to face.

The heart quickly hit his chest, and the scattered focal length gathered again. Even so, he would not retreat. He would continue to dance with this high-altitude wire rope, even if he was crushed to pieces.
Chapter completed!