In everyone's youth, there will be a hidden person. When there is no one around, you will think about his good qualities, remember his smile, blame his bad qualities, and worry about his worries. The corners of your mouth will involuntarily curl up. When it rises, your heart will beat thumpingly, your mind will be full of chaos, and you will inadvertently let it affect your emotions. Then you will find that not every so-called beautiful period must be beautiful, every time All efforts are worth it. You have forgotten, maybe you have ignored it, and you are stubborn in your self-righteous persistence.

Shen Chen is such a being to Mo Xiaoyan. I always feel like being led by Shen Chen. I will be happy in the short moments alone with him. I will sit in my seat and look at him sadly at the door and take the hand from the other side. The love letters and chocolates sent by girls will also be remembered in the afternoon of him, and suddenly I will feel sad. Countless times, I have used the tip of the pen that can no longer write to write his name on the notebook, and I will stare at the back of his head. Leng, my mind was filled with the question of whether he likes me or not. After getting on the bus, I would lie on the glass window and watch the back of him riding his bicycle away, worrying whether this would be the final parting scene.

Mo Xiaoyan always remembers the night when she was drunk at KTV. Shen Chen was carrying her on the way home. His face was hot and his heart was pounding. Thinking of the casual kiss just now, he would consciously or unconsciously want to kiss her. Her head rested on his back. There was an indescribable happiness, but also an extremely lost worry and uncertainty. Does he like herself? Is this kiss a kiss of love? If he doesn't like herself, then Is his current attitude of keeping silent because it hinders his status as a friend, or does he think this is just a coincidence and not worth worrying about?

Mo Xiaoyan had insomnia that night, wandering between excitement, shyness, and worry about loss. She always thought that if Shen Chen could give her a little bit of information the next day, just a little bit of information could reveal that he liked her. She would definitely confess to him. However, the next day, she saw a somewhat absurd basketball game between him and Yi Xiaochuan. The reason was that Yi Xiaochuan had evil intentions towards him. As a friend, Shen Chen wanted to seek justice for himself.

There was infinite disappointment in my heart, especially when I heard the word "friend", I was filled with anticipation and excitement, and was immediately soaked in cold water, freezing to the extreme. Even the weather that day understood Mo Xiaoyan's sadness and stayed with her. It was raining, and Mo Xiaoyan was like a fool. He didn't know how to take shelter from the rain, and still stared at the two people in the stadium. It was not until the end, when the rain fell harder and harder, that Shen Chen realized that Mo Xiaoyan was still there with him stupidly. , hurriedly took her to the teaching building to take shelter from the rain.

Until she returned home, Mo Xiaoyan didn't see any evidence on Shen Chen's face that he liked her. Maybe he was being sentimental. The kiss was an accident in the first place, and only she cared about it so much. Maybe, he We can only be friends with Shen Chen!

On the annual opening day, the roads of the school are filled with private cars transporting students to report, one after another, with no end in sight. Mo Xiaoyan, who has been promoted to sophomore, will also go to class. Sometimes, I stand at the intersection and stare, looking at the expectant eyes of the new students, looking at the school where I will stay for four years. Occasionally, parents and students will ask me for directions, and Mo Xiaoyan will do his best to tell them.

After returning from Lushan, Jiang Yuhan was obviously silent a lot. She always sat alone in her seat in a daze. Even if Ni Weiwei and Sun Jingjing talked to her, she would be stunned and not reply. Mo Xiaoyan's attitude was much better than before, and she would talk to her. Ni Weiwei and the others talked about their complicated pasts. Although they were not thorough, they still revealed the general story. Ni Weiwei and Sun Jingjing were still the same as before, doing whatever they wanted to do. The only exception was that the two of them had a relationship with Mo Xiaoyan. He cared a lot about things with Shen Chen, and always secretly urged Wu Lin to go play ball with Shen Chen, or do other things. This was really hard on Wu Lin. If he didn't want to go, he would be bombarded by two girls, and in the end he had to Sign up to be a volunteer, guard the teacher's office, and record visitors' information.

Shen Chen is already a junior, and almost all his classes are in the first semester of his junior year, so he spends a lot of time immersed in studying. He only occasionally sits on the lawn, pretending to read a book, and is silent among the crowd. Look for Mo Xiaoyan, because that lawn is the only way for Mo Xiaoyan to go back to his dormitory, and the lawn is behind the cherry blossom tree. If you don't pay attention, you won't notice Shen Chen sitting behind.

Time passed very quickly, and the National Day Golden Week was here in a blink of an eye. Mo Xiaoyan did not intend to go back, and the other three people in the dormitory had already bought their train tickets to go back. Before leaving, Ni Weiwei and Sun Jingjing also told Mo Xiaoyan to remember Eat, and go out for a walk when you have time. Don't stay in the dormitory all day. If you don't want to leave, you can also work part-time with Wu Lin to experience life. Mo Xiaoyan agreed one by one, nodding and raising his hands. After swearing an oath, the two of them left with satisfaction. Jiang Yuhan had not spoken to Mo Xiaoyan for a long time, but before leaving this time, she stuffed an envelope into Mo Xiaoyan and smiled at Mo Xiaoyan before leaving.

Now, Mo Xiaoyan was staring at the envelope that Ni Weiwei handed to him on the table, not knowing what to do. He waited until it was almost dark, then he cheered up and opened the envelope. Inside was a ticket for an amusement park. , and a note left by Jiang Yuhan:

Sister Yan:

I don’t know what to tell you. As roommates and as a family, we had a very good relationship. Although you did hide a lot of things from us, who doesn’t want to mention the past? Shen Chen’s matter, Since you said you want to give up, let me see your sincerity. I helped you make an appointment with a senior. You go to the playground with him for a date. I am not forcing you to be with anyone, but if you If I don’t start pursuing your new love, Shen Chen won’t look at me. So, for you and Shen Chen, at nine o’clock tomorrow morning, the seniors will be waiting for you at the main entrance of the amusement park. Put down your persistence, Go see other people!

The signature is Jiang Yuhan.

Mo Xiaoyan put the note away, put it back in the envelope along with the tickets, and returned to the state of staring at the envelope before.

Does Jiang Yuhan mean to let herself date other boys?

Many times, Mo Xiaoyan also thought about maybe looking for other people, doing things that couples would do with other people, and searching hard for the touch of being with others, then the name Shen Chen would slowly be forgotten. , became a thing of the past. Mo Xiaoyan also tried watching movies with others, holding hands on a quiet path under the sunset, taking a walk and chatting, sharing a glass of juice together, and watching fireworks together in the night.

However, without Shen Chen by his side, no matter how nice the people are, no matter how beautiful the scenery, no matter how delicious the food is, they will all become stale. Mo Xiaoyan would often stare at other people's faces in shock, without replying, but he could not stop imagining what would happen next. Will you be able to see Shen Chen's shadow when you turn the corner? Will he say hello to me? Or will he walk away indifferently? Countless fantasies, countless corners, there are always other people's figures, and other people. The shadow of someone walking past me in a hurry.

Later, Mo Xiaoyan understood that she had lost her heart. She was not as good as Yi Xiaochuan, who could act in every situation, and she was not as good as Yi Xiaochuan, who could frankly admit that she had indeed loved. She and Shen Chen had neither begun nor ended their love. It's like a joke made out of nothing, saying that I don't feel anything, but my heart hurts so much.

In three years, Mo Xiaoyan spent three years to smooth over his own loss. He did a lot of things, read a lot of books, and thought of many reasons. He told himself that this was just an episode in youth, and everyone would have it. The reason why he Being so persistent is not because you like it much, but what you can’t get is always precious. You should learn to look down on it, learn to give up, learn not to look back, and learn to look for other happiness in life.

But, there is so much happiness? Why can't Mo Xiaoyan feel it in his heart? Every day, he stays at home numbly, listening to his father's admonitions, his mother's cries, sitting in front of the TV and watching the so-called psychological lectures, and being sent away by his father. Go to see a psychiatrist, wear the clothes prepared by her mother, and go face to face with the so-called blind date. During that time, Mo Xiaoyan wanted to die, wandering on the edge of collapse again and again, and her mobile phone would be checked and its use restricted. , she was also required to accompany her mother wherever she went, and was not allowed to say anything to nearby neighbors. At that time, Mo Xiaoyan began to wonder, what is the meaning of life?

At the beginning, Mo Xiaoyan would try to send text messages to Shen Chen to explain to him and tell him about his situation. He even thought that Shen Chen would find a way to save him. After the text message was sent successfully, Mo Xiaoyan I immediately cleared my outbox. I would be looking forward to Shen Chen’s reply. I would be anxious and afraid of being discovered by my parents. I would also wonder if my parents would understand if they saw Shen Chen’s text messages. In fact, I was not gay, but in puppy love. ?However, Shen Chen never replied, and it was Zhao Xin who was waiting.

Zhao Xin came secretly to see Mo Xiaoyan. Mo Xiaoyan ignored the previous conflict and grabbed her as if he was seeing a life-saving straw. He asked for news about Shen Chen. It turned out that Shen Chen had no intention of interfering with him at all. Discussions about him were abuzz, with both criticism and praise. Shen Chen did not ask or participate, and lived his life as usual. Mo Xiaoyan wanted to know why Shen Chen didn't return her call. Zhao Xin also persuaded Mo Xiaoyan that Shen Chen Maybe he also thought she was gay and was probably angry, but Zhao Xin said that he could explain to Mo Xiaoyan and asked Mo Xiaoyan to wait for news about her.

This time, I finally received news from Shen Chen, but you were very annoyed. I changed my number. Please stop harassing me.

Indifferent as if he were a different person, Mo Xiaoyan didn't believe it. He walked around in his room, trying to find an opportunity to ask Shen Chen in person.

That afternoon, Zhao Xin came again and told her that Shen Chen had changed his number and that she could take her to school to find him because he had been staying for self-study every night recently. Mo Xiaoyan locked the door of his room and left. He slipped out of the window and went to the school gate with Zhao Xin, where he saw Shen Chen answering Zhao Xin's phone.

It turns out that when your heart is broken, it doesn't hurt. After your heart is broken, you start to become numb to everyone and everything. Mo Xiaoyan doesn't know how he survived the first two years. He was as empty as a paper doll.

Wandering in the world. It wasn't until he returned to school that Mo Xiaoyan's heartbeat returned to his chest again.
Chapter completed!